There Is No Owner’s Manual

An new or expectant father’s biggest dilemma is usually this: No one trained me for this job. The baby doesn’t come with an operator’s manual, plug-and-play attachments, or downloadable upgrades.

But did you know that nature provides tools that you may not yet be conscious of?

For example, from the moment of birth, you and your baby can instinctively communicate with each other, even though it’ll be a year or more before she uses words.

A pioneering pediatric psychologist, the late Dr. Lee Salk (brother of Jonas, creator of the polio vaccine) urged parents to trust this kind of natural connection. In a refreshing departure for a parenting author, Salk argued that we shouldn’t worry so much about what the latest parenting book says. His books wisely encouraged me to trust my heart along with my baby’s sounds and body. If I “tuned in” to my deep fathering instincts, and the signals my infants “broadcast,” I’d have most of what I’d need to be a good father.

That’s not to say that the many resources available to new fathers today are useless. (Let’s hope not! Otherwise, what are you doing here?) The point is that you can and will create your own way of fathering, while also sharing hundreds of common experiences with your fellow fathers. So, use “expert” parenting resources as guides, not commands from on high.

The two best things a “new parent” resource can do is to:

• Give you some sturdy bricks for your fathering foundation, and flexible panes of glass for the walls.
• Encourage you to build your own unique greenhouse in which to raise a vibrant, lush, and well-rooted child.

Adapted from The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being an Expectant Father. by Joe Kelly and used by permission.