How To Motivate Fathers & Stepfathers

Certain feelings about a child’s development trigger visceral reactions in fathers, and thus can be great motivators for them – and their involvement. Each of these hot buttons has components you can “hook” into scientific areas of study. Fathers and children are drawn to the personal benefits when education and activities address these hooks. Survey your father clientele to discover additional hot buttons and the sciences to which they relate.

Pride

Ask a dad for a “most memorable” moment of his fatherhood, and he’ll describe a time when he felt most proud. Proud of his child’s accomplishments and qualities, or proud of his own parenting accomplishment. Girls sense this and want to win Dad’s pride.

Dad: I want to be proud of you. Don’t let me down.

Daughter: I want to make you proud and keep your trust.

Performance

Men and boys are acculturated to judge themselves and others on their actions and accomplishments. Women and girls are acculturated to judge themselves and others by how well relationships are maintained. This can make for prickly misunderstandings between dad and daughter. A father’s emphasis on performance can also provide valuably high expectations and motivation for his daughter.

Dad: I expect you to do well. I expect a lot from you.

Daughter: I will stretch and take risks to meet his expectations and win his praise.

Sexuality

Especially with daughters, dads fear that girls will be manipulated by boys (or men) into inappropriate sexual activity. One of a father’s greatest struggles is accepting that his daughter emerges into a sexual being and takes a sexual partner.

Dad: Don’t do anything sexual

Daughter: Why don’t you trust me?

Sports

Men grow up steeped in sports. Thanks to Title IX, modern generations of girls are also growing up with sports interests. This gives fathers and daughters a whole new field on which to connect and communicate, especially during times that may be otherwise difficult.

Dad: Sharing and teaching. Pride in her accomplishments

Daughter: Father’s attention and affirmation. Improved knowledge.

Ways of the world

Fathers are more likely to work (and work longer hours) outside the home. They are more likely to manage family finances. Fathers often represent the “outside world” to their children. This is a very valuable heritage to openly share with daughter, helping her be ready for the evolving role of women in the “outside” world. Dad can do take-my-daughter-to-work (and financial literacy) every day.

Dad: I don’t want her to be poor, vulnerable, or dependent. I want her to succeed.

Daughter: I want to experience passion like the passion Dad feels for work.